An Open Statement to Those-Who-Don't-Get-It About What It Is They Aren't Getting

I posted the first two paragraphs below as a FB status and then the rest as a comment. The post got a fair number of likes, most notably from folks I know who are parents, many of them first time parents or those with children who are still fairly small (5 and under), or folks whose children are grown, but remember the things that only parents remember about these days...  


There are people in my life who don't understand that, since becoming a parent, my life is not as spontaneous and simple as it once was. Your needs change. Planning for the safe survival, much less thriving, of another person who is almost entirely dependent on you 24 hours a day is exhausting (seems like a no-brainer to me, but...). They don't see there is no "break" from this, it is constant. Even when I sleep, I am vigilant. They see what they want to see of my life, the cute baby pictures or small victories I take from the work day and share here. I give up on trying to help them "get it".

If you can't be bothered to communicate your needs, then you can't fault me for failing to meet them. If the rest of Facebook knows more of your plans than I do, then me over here grinding away at my work and trying to plan toddler snacks is not the problem. If you don't understand that my little person comes first ALWAYS, then I have nothing left to say to you. Done.

I know that my life will not always be like this, that she will not always be so dependent on SO or me for her daily survival, but at this stage it is what it is and I gladly give it all to her. She the BEST, most challenging addition to my life and I wouldn't trade a minute of it.  It is just disappointing because people that I perceived as "close" to me, family member included, the ones who don't "get" how much it take to pack a one year old for an overnight trip or plan meals for someone with 1.5 teeth, or all of the new things I am learning to do every day complain about how tired or stressed they are and, well, I might sound mean, but I kind of want to laugh in their faces! 

I enjoyed freedom to go and do whatever, whenever for quite some time now.  I spend ridiculous hours and money in bars having "fun".  In hindsight, those days were the biggest, emptiest, most meaningless wastes of my talents and time.  I'd rather be changing a dirty diaper, singing ABCs, or rocking a crying, teething baby to sleep than sitting in a smoky bar now.  It is hard, but it is worth it.  It is just lonely and frustrating sometimes when people don't understand the demands they make without thinking of how it is on this end.

Thanks for reading. I've been waiting to start for some time now. I guess I finally had something I needed to say.